Debate of the Month: What should religion’s involvement be in our government?

December 8th, 2006

Ring Facts: Harrison
Height: 6’3”
Weight: 230lbs
Reach: 32”
Weapon: Mustache

In order to answer this very important conundrum of what to do with religions involvement in our government, one must look to philosophy.

There’s this theory in philosophy called Solipsism. Basically, what it says is that since there’s no way to enter someone else’s mind, there’s no way to know if a person’s brain is in a tank, creating everything around it. That is to say, nobody can enter your mind to see your thoughts.

Think of it as a modified version of what the Matrix is. But without the shitty sequels.

For example, let’s say that it’s my, Harrison Flatau’s, brain in a tank, being worked on by a mad scientist. Therefore, it would be my brain that has created everything in this world. You, Big Ben, muskrats, everything.

But here’s the deal. Solipsism is real. And it is my mind that has created everything in this world.

Therefore, anything that this character (pun intended) Josh says is irrelevant. I am simply debating myself to keep occupied. On a related note, I’m still trying to figure out why I won’t let myself go on dates with anybody that I’ve created.
Since this is the case, that Solipsism is real, I win, no matter what. Even if you, the reader, votes for Josh to win this debate, I’m still the winner.

Josh could come up with the most elaborate, logical argument in the world, and I’d still be the winner by default.

So go ahead Josh come up with something brilliant. Come up with something so astonishing that I would simply have to bow down in defeat. Prove me wrong; come up with an argument that even I wouldn’t think of.

-Harrison Flatau

Ring Facts: Josh
Height: 6’1”
Weight: 240lbs
Reach: 28.5”
Weapon: Tomahawk

Harrison, in his pigheaded narcissism, attempts to solve the quandary of religion in government with Solipsism. I shall answer this question discrediting Harrison with every line. Lao Tzu has already discovered the answer in the 6th century BCE.

In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu writes:

All beneath heaven know beauty is beauty
only because there’s ugliness,
and knows good is good
only because there’s evil.

Being and nonbeing give birth to one another,
difficult and easy complete one another,
long and short measure one another,
high and low fill one another,
music and noise harmonize one another,
before and after follow one another,

That’s why a sage abides in the realm of nothing’s own doing,
living out that wordless teaching.
The ten thousand things arise without beginnings there,
abide without waiting there,
come to perfection without dwelling there.

Without dwelling there: that’s the one way
you’ll never lose it.

According to Lao Tzu, Harrison has created everything, but in doing so he has created nothing. If Harrison has created nothing, then why should we believe him? I don’t like nothing, Do you like nothing? I didn’t think so, bitch.

- Josh Elmer

Whaling Wall Matthew Farrell
Chow Feng Shui Josh Elmer
Stained Glass Ceiling Emily McNeill
Anarchitect Mike Berlin
SaHarrison Desert Harrison Flatau
Metrolollipopolis Jennifer Konerman
Tropic of Scurvy Heather Newberger
Copy Editors Danielle Sherwood
  Jenna Scatena
  Elliott Feedore
Adviser Mary Beth O’Connor
Chief Residents Abby Bertumen
  Kelly Burdick
  Bryan Chambala
  Sam Costello
  Cole Louison
  James Sigman

Buzzsaw Haircut is funded by the Ithaca College Student Government Association, the Park School of Communications and a generous grant from Campus Progress.

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Front cover and back cover of print edition by Jake I. Forney.
Section dividers of print edition by Jake I. Forney and Justin Lubliner.