No Crisis Here

March 1st, 2008

By Harrison Flatau

Company Newsletter January 7th, 2008

Hey, everyone!
Dave Bishop here to give your quarterly update in our little neck of the woods. I hope all of you had a wonderful time off for Christmas vacation (and I hope you didn’t spend your bonus all in one place, Fred. Just kidding.). I’m not sure how you can top our Pollyanna Party before vacation though.
Well, as you know, last year was just great for the company. Our profits soared last year and we hope to continue our path of success in the New Year. The work we’ve been doing in Iraq has continued to give us much satisfaction—both fiscally and morally. I don’t know how many times I’ve been thanked for the work we’re doing here at Halliburton. We’re all so proud of everyone’s work at the company.

Of course, not everything was so great. We had to say farewell to one of our most esteemed colleagues, Charles Thompson. He retired after working 42 years in the accounting department. Charlie was a wonderful asset to the company. We’re all going to miss his wonderful coffee break stories. I think we all remember his farewell party when Christie Gregson from advertising rocked the house with her rendition of “Beat It.” After a night of dancing and singing, Charlie gave a wonderful farewell speech and is now living in Florida.

We also had a surprise engagement announcement between Bill Richardson and Kate Scott. Bill popped the question after pretending to be hurt in a rigging accident. I’m sure in the coming months they’re going to have a great time planning for their wedding in May. Just make sure to stay away from Kate if she becomes a Bridezilla (Just kidding!).
February is coming up and you know what that means—our Annual Charity Bachelor Auction! Last year, we raised nearly $250,000 for Iraqi Orphans. This year we’ve set a goal to raise $300,000. And maybe someone can top Eric Lane’s dance to “Right Said Fred.” We all know how that turned out.

Speaking of upcoming events, March is Women’s Appreciation Month. We’ll be hosting a series of speaking engagements throughout the month. While attendance isn’t required, it would be great if you all could go. These are some really great women coming out and it would be a shame to miss it. You can go to our Web site to see the dates and times of the events.

Now for the boring stuff (Just kidding, Brian.). Brian in IT has been working on moving our e-mail system to a new platform. We’re set to change the system on January 18th, so if there are any problems we just want you to give you a heads up. Of course if Brian’s working on it there will definitely be problems (kidding!). Everyone’s e-mail address and password will be the same, but the layout of the e-mail system will look different. On January 21 there will be a short seminar to discuss the new system.

In other news, Doris Lawson, head of food services, has implemented an alternative to the oil we use in our French fries. Starting January 14 the cafeteria will be baking the French fries instead of using our usual peanut oil. Doris says that this alternative to peanut oil is safer and healthier; it also reduces strain on the environment.

Well, that about does it for this quarter’s issue. I can’t reiterate how much you guys (and gals) rule and how successful we’re going to be in this upcoming year. You’re all doing a great job. We all know that the world is in shambles now, but do what I do: take solace in the fact that you work in a wonderful company like Halliburton.

Go, team, Go!

Harrison Flatau is a junior writing major. E-mail him at  hflatau[at]

Whaling Wall Matthew Farrell
Chow Feng Shui Josh Elmer
Stained Glass Ceiling Emily McNeill
Anarchitect Mike Berlin
SaHarrison Desert Harrison Flatau
Metrolollipopolis Jennifer Konerman
Tropic of Scurvy Heather Newberger
Copy Editors Danielle Sherwood
  Jenna Scatena
  Elliott Feedore
Adviser Mary Beth O’Connor
Chief Residents Abby Bertumen
  Kelly Burdick
  Bryan Chambala
  Sam Costello
  Cole Louison
  James Sigman

Buzzsaw Haircut is funded by the Ithaca College Student Government Association, the Park School of Communications and a generous grant from Campus Progress.

Our Press is our press.
Binghamton, NY

Front cover and back cover of print edition by Jake I. Forney.
Section dividers of print edition by Jake I. Forney and Justin Lubliner.