Around the World with Buzzy

April 10th, 2007

“Slash and burn” in the rainforest

By Briana Kerensky

As You May Know, There Are Lots of Trees in the Rainforest.

In fact, since there are so many trees, there is absolutely no room for kids to play. You can’t play soccer, have relay races, or impersonate your favorite violent video game when there is a 200 year-old tree in your way!

And like our parents tell us, nature can be very, very dangerous. We’re not supposed to play in the trees because they have bugs, man-eating snakes, and lots and lots of germs. Ewww! Gross!

We can’t play under the trees either, because a piece of fruit falling from a tree at the right angle and velocity might hit us on the head and cause irreversible brain damage! Oh no!

So, How Do Kids in the Rainforest Have Fun?

That’s a very simple answer: they don’t have fun. Ever. There is no room to play, and there is no room for toy stores either.

Can you imagine living without the awesome toy aisle at Wal*Mart? Most of the kids in the rainforest have never even seen a K-Mart!

But don’t worry. Kids are coming together to make a difference in their world!

How’s That, Buzzy?

It’s really very easy! By getting rid of all the trees, with their fruit, oxygen-enriching leaves, and rare wildlife, kids will have plenty of room for games and Wal*Marts!

And getting rid of the trees can really be very fun! It’s done through a very special, very cool process known around the world as “slash and burn.”

You don’t even have to live in the rainforest to play this game! You can do it with the trees in your own backyard!

When kids want to get rid of the trees, their parents give them big containers of gasoline. You know, the stuff your parents pay lots of money for to put in their SUVs!

Then, they just splash the gasoline around, all over the trees, and the plants, and even the birds and frogs! Sometimes the boys and girls have so much fun they splash each other!

Once everything in the rainforest is covered by the gasoline, someone gets to use a match to set it all on fire!

Remember kidz, never ever light a fire yourself! Always ask an adult to do it for you!

That’s Only Burning, Buzzy! What About the Slashing Part?

Sometimes, setting the rainforest on fire isn’t enough to make all of the trees and animals go away. When that happens, the kids in the rainforest get to use machetes to chop everything else up into teeny tiny pieces, which they can very easily throw away or sell as cheap plant food.

What’s a Machete?

Now, if you’re playing this game along with Buzzy at home, you might need to use a machete to chop up the rest of the trees in your backyard too.

A machete is a really, really big knife. You might have seen your dad chasing your mom with one a couple of times.

Don’t forget to ask your parents before you use it! Have fun hacking away!

Today’s adventure with Buzzy was so much fun! We can’t wait until next time, when Buzzy is going learn how toys are made in…

A CHINESE SWEATSHOP! See you next month!

Briana Kerensky is a freshman journalism major who once saw Buzzy burn a Harry Potter effigy at Jesus camp. Email her at bkerens1 at ithaca.edu.

Whaling Wall Matthew Farrell
Chow Feng Shui Josh Elmer
Stained Glass Ceiling Emily McNeill
Anarchitect Mike Berlin
SaHarrison Desert Harrison Flatau
Metrolollipopolis Jennifer Konerman
Tropic of Scurvy Heather Newberger
Copy Editors Danielle Sherwood
  Jenna Scatena
  Elliott Feedore
   
   
   
Adviser Mary Beth O’Connor
   
Chief Residents Abby Bertumen
  Kelly Burdick
  Bryan Chambala
  Sam Costello
  Cole Louison
  James Sigman
   
   
   
   

Buzzsaw Haircut is funded by the Ithaca College Student Government Association, the Park School of Communications and a generous grant from Campus Progress.

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Front cover and back cover of print edition by Jake I. Forney.
Section dividers of print edition by Jake I. Forney and Justin Lubliner.